I was diagnosed with choric depression and anxiety some years back (5 if i remember correctly). I have tried being open about my symptoms and difficulties it brings about. I should thank my wife to make me come out and be open about it as mental illness.
For quite sometime i started having difficulty in talking to "new" people. It just feels difficult to connect with people. I have been catastrophizing about seeing people, especially newer people.( sorry what and why i am catastrophizing is between me and my therapist). Anyhow that lead to me stopping from going to Bangalore for some CME and a 2 day workshop. After these happened in the 3 - 2 months back, i thought, i accepted to do one in Chennai itself- a workshop and a one hour talk. Well i would not make that also.
I am hoping i will be okay in some weeks, as i have accepted to do a talk at the end of this month- hahaha. I know what you are thinking why and who is still calling you after all these. 😏 Well i had accepted this month ends lecture some months back so, i am going to try hard.
All my adult life i have done mostly is talking about PT. It sort of comes easy for me to give lectures- even though lots of people may not like what i deliver or how i deliver. So it is frustrating for me not able to do some stupid lectures on stroke, LBP or EBM. well anyway- that's what i am struggling from.
Even though, i have these nightmare, i am blessed with family, and friends who stand by me. The unanswered phone calls, the constant sleeping, the mood swings, the irrational fear, anger- they have stood by me. I have started again with my meditation which i had stopped, so hoping that will help, probably have to do more, we will see.
If you are out there struggling with depression, or mental health issues- seek help. nothing to be ashamed of, just like your pancreas has trouble with secreting insulin, you brain is not secreting certain hormones, that is all.
Hopefully i should write more to create awareness.
Love
Hariohm
