I entered the car, waited for a while, and then curled up in a foetal position, placing my head on my wife's lap and closed my eyes. It took some time for my heart rate to calm down and for my mind to stop shaking. The reason for this was that I had stepped out of my comfort zone by going back to college. Teaching with patients, which I usually don't like doing, went well. I had gone two days without any anxiety attacks.
The day ended with more love, but unfortunately, my inner system couldn't accept it. It was yearning for an escape room. As the day went on and more love was shown, my system couldn't handle it anymore, and I had an anxiety attack when they asked me to cut the cake. I wanted to enjoy the love, but my system wouldn't let me. Maybe I didn't see myself as deserving of it, but I'm not entirely sure. Even after all this time, I still don't understand why my system rejected the love.
Perhaps I need more time before I can interact with people again. Even though it was embarrassing to run away from love, it was my limit. I'm learning more and more about myself. I'm broken in many ways, and I've been denying it, which only makes the cracks worse.
My wife helped me calm down by reminding me to breathe while I was hyperventilating. It was quite a predicament, but luckily, it went away when I fell asleep that night after having a north Indian meal in Karaikudi. It was a shame that they didn't have Karaikudi food where we stayed, and we made fun of them for it. The next day, the wedding went smoothly, and then I ran back home to go to the escape room.
What's next for me? Probably limited social participation. I'm also worried about the suffering of children that I love. It's unlike me to worry about others, but my system is acting strangely. It's telling me, as the Waterboys said, "This is the sea, you idiot, and you are untethered. Hold on to your limbic system."
I know that I might be playing the victim, but I did enjoy the attention. However, my system thinks it's too much.
The day ended with more love, but unfortunately, my inner system couldn't accept it. It was yearning for an escape room. As the day went on and more love was shown, my system couldn't handle it anymore, and I had an anxiety attack when they asked me to cut the cake. I wanted to enjoy the love, but my system wouldn't let me. Maybe I didn't see myself as deserving of it, but I'm not entirely sure. Even after all this time, I still don't understand why my system rejected the love.
Perhaps I need more time before I can interact with people again. Even though it was embarrassing to run away from love, it was my limit. I'm learning more and more about myself. I'm broken in many ways, and I've been denying it, which only makes the cracks worse.
My wife helped me calm down by reminding me to breathe while I was hyperventilating. It was quite a predicament, but luckily, it went away when I fell asleep that night after having a north Indian meal in Karaikudi. It was a shame that they didn't have Karaikudi food where we stayed, and we made fun of them for it. The next day, the wedding went smoothly, and then I ran back home to go to the escape room.
What's next for me? Probably limited social participation. I'm also worried about the suffering of children that I love. It's unlike me to worry about others, but my system is acting strangely. It's telling me, as the Waterboys said, "This is the sea, you idiot, and you are untethered. Hold on to your limbic system."
I know that I might be playing the victim, but I did enjoy the attention. However, my system thinks it's too much.
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