Death and anger

Dear Varush, 

     I cant remember who took me there, but I can remember being in the odd part of Vagai river bank where we my father was cremated the day before. I felt fresh, people were not crying but solemn. I did not know why we were there again at that awful place. I was taken under a shed, where the day before we have cremated my father. Some one moved the ashes and dug up some bones. I think I was told to pour some milk on ashes. I still have a vague idea it is all part of the "death" rituals. 

    We all came home, and there were people everywhere. Some where crying and some where just standing. They have just shaved my head, the day before for the cremation of my father. I was 8 years old and it was April, and my summer holidays have started. I come inside and see my mother tired and exhausted from crying. I went and sat besides her and looked around. I could not recognize any one and could hear people crying. I was sitting there for a while and I could not take it. 

    I suddenly remembered my friends- 2 brothers Kannan and Thani (thats what we all called him)  They lived in a huge house and occupied the whole of the first floor. 

I asked my mother, " Can I go and play with Kannan and Thanni "(they were brothers).

    My mother looked at me and in one of the greatest parenting she ever did said "yes dear". 

I run past our gate and ran into Kanna's house. Enter the door and from the ground floor and call out his name. He peeps through the door and goes inside. I wait there, and then his grandmother who I always thought had those permanent scowl face came out and said, well you have just come from the grave ward you come tomorrow. I came home with a sullen face and my mother consoled me and said you can go latter to play. That I think may be my mother greatest parenting movement I can remember- how weird our mind works. 

    I don't know why it took me many years to forgive that Kanna's grandmother for saying that. I understand why she said it, I also think probably anyone could have said the same- but it took me nearly 42 years to forgive her. What mistake did she make, I don't know, but I just hated that event, indirectly being angry for doing that. I do think it was wrong of me to carry that anger with me for so many years.  

Holding anger does makes us sad, hope you learn from your old man and be the sweet child you are.

Love- its a clique but what's the alternate?

Hariohm