Anhedonia

 One of the symptoms of depression is - Anhedonia. That is the first thing i was educated by my psychiatrist. It basically means you dont get pleasure from things which used to. Moreover you lose interest in things which you used to have.

In my case- people who know me will know- i lost interest in movies and TV. I am huge cinephile, even though lately i dont watch formula movies either assembled in Hollywood or in my home town. When i stopped watching TV- i felt so much time in my hand. So much time. When i got depressed i did not know what to do with my time. The ruminations in the mind which is a horrendous  feature of clinical depression, it pitches a tent and does not move. Sadly as the ruminations is not about times you were happy or had some pleasurable experience- it is about the deepest darkest thing in the brain. It ruminates until you want to dig a hole in your brain and remove it.

The second thing i loved and still the only thing i can do better than anyone is Physiotherapy. Sadly it went for a toss. I stopped talking with prakash about PT- which we do nearly every day. I lost interest  in the puzzles- albeit small puzzles, PT threw at me. More time for rumination, more and more the mind went to the darker places.

You may think deriving pleasure from the morning coffee, the perfected baked fish you cooked, the small high you get when you impressed a pretty girl, the captive audience, the thankfulness in your patients face when they feel better- is all small. It is not- i know because i felt it when i lost it. Smaller things is what makes us happy, the small gestures, the routine- sadly it gets lost in depression.

I dont know how you can make someone with depression get it back, i am not sure it can be. I am saying this so that you get what they go through. dont try to force them, be patient, dont be an ass and feel pity- we all want understanding not pity.

Love

Hariohm