If you think you have free will- just look into your self and see what you remember about yourself is just what is there not what you want to remember. If you could forget the horrible things which happen can you? why cant we remember the wonderful festivals we had as a child rather remember some mundane things which happened to us?
When i first realized I dont have free will, it was confusing. What can we do when we hurt someone, or someone hurts you. I usual have a caviler attitude towards -well towards most of the people. I dont have a very friendly attitude, but luckily have some other qualities which i am not sure. I am assuming i have some redeeming qualities because- but i did make some good friends and was very luck with my wife choosing to marry in spite of world being against her. .
When i got visited by the black dog, I became more intolerable. I would not talk for days, then shout at my wife and son for no particular reason. Get into quarrel for things which are mundane. Luckily, instinctively, my wife and son got it- especially my wife- that i seem to be spiraling with no control. That is she got it- that i have no free will. For me it took so much of reading, introspection and meditation. How intelligent some people are to get it instinctively.
So what do you do when people hurt you. people hurt you badly. You assume it is not there fault- there is only one thing to do- love them. One of the things i always have trouble is being understanding and loving. I usual may understand, but i dont love. I just .... well dont love them- well mostly.
When you have no free will- you do horrible things- then when you feel love- That is the only thing it seems can be done- is to feel the love. The full wrath of my mood swings, the behaving like a ass, the hurtful things i hurled - was fully absorbed by my wife- who also to some extent shielded my son- but sadly i know children know. You feel the love- thats what you want to do- what my wife did.
Luckily, for a person with poor social skills and arrogance- i did make some wonderful relationships. People who stood by me- who helped me realize only one thing in life is without cause and effect- that is love someone when they are an ass. How difficult it is- i am pretty sure i cant do that- even when i know that is what i should be doing- well i am trying- harder i try- more i fail.
Just to make it clear- Priya, and The queen have showed me you dont have to be related- you can still show love without any cause and effect- how lucky should i be.
Trying to loving
Hariohm
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