do I have free will?

 One of the questions I have struggled - philosophically is do we have free will. I always thought we had, We choose what to do or think. The arguments for and against are complex and found it to be fascinating.

Scientist like Robert Sapolsky argue it is not. Philosopher and neuroscientist Sam Harris and Indian non-duality philosophy also seem to suggest we may not have free will. without getting deep into the neuroscience or non-duality ( i could suggest any person with a inclination towards god to read non-duality) - it basically says the neuro-chemistry of our brain decides what we do or think, That neuro-chemistry in turn might be a product of millions of years of evolution to other contextual factors which helped in making that chemistry of your brain.

I know it sounds stupid- as we all think, "i" made that choice. I made the choice to drink coffee in the morning, when to start brushing my teeth, what I wanted to say to the person who stepped on me on the bus or not to say and much more.

Well, I have come to agree with Sam Harris and Sapolsky and probably some ideas of non-duality. Just to be clear, i have lots of trouble understanding Non-duality. There is no free will- ideas, thoughts all seem emerge. 

When you suffer from depression you realize the thoughts which come are not what you want. Harder your try to suppress, you realize you don't have free will. You watch a movie- your mind drifts and even though you are bombarded by the visual and auditory signals from your movie- you are dragged into the rabbit hole. Unlike Alice you don't go to wonderland, you end up where your mind wants to take.

You want to be happy your wife is trying her best, you can see you are hurting everyone- you mind keep on pulling you into the rabbit hole, You see your friends trying hard - sadly your are still being pulled into the rabbit hole. you see good in the world, people trying hard to accommodate you, you should be happy, but the mind pulls into into the darker creeks. harder you try harder it is to control.

Again, you cant choose to secrete more or less or change your brains thinking, because we don't know how our mind works. so how do we control. What we don't know, what is not under your control. I don't-  don't have free will, 

Think of it from your own experience- The time you had flooded with testosterones, when you were in love for the first time, the time you were angry- your actions were different, you thinking was different-sadly other times we think we are in control of our brain. 

Please note the actions i have made, the people i have hurt, the loved ones- my son and my wife's suffering cannot be absolved by saying i don't have free will.  That is for another time to discuss. 

This is just to explain to myself, just like your cant control your pancreas or kidneys or your heart- you cant control your brain as hard you may try. I know you say- i have control- i made a choice- that i dont disagree- its just that your brain was developed like that for millions of years. Dont think because you did it, i can do it. I am not you. I weep, i can be rude to anyone, I can love without any reservations, be indifferent to loving people, thinking people are boring especially pretty ones - I bet you cant do any of that.

love

Hariohm

No- homer simpsons this time rather 3 important people